Dear Dan Gibson...

...Please marry me.

"Get Ready to Loathe No Age by the End of the Week: Maybe Pete Wentz Did Bring the Music Video Back"
Another Friday, another installment of FNMTV starring our pal Pete Wentz. This week, there are mysteriously only three new videos (T.I., No Age, and Day 26) to go with two live performances (Rihanna and Maroon 5 featuring Rihanna). I wondered what effect the program had on the number of videos played on MTV, and there's good and bad news. The good (?) news: MTV is certainly devoting a larger amount of its airtime to music videos. The bad news: I hope you like Boys Like Girls. ...
(Read more here.)

Did I not just say like all of those things last week??

(Picture from Sony BMG or something. Side note: If I were famous, I'd want to have joint birthday parties with Lil Mama!)

Kicks keep getting harder to find

Oh, me. Some days I wonder if I’m really mature enough to be graduating and going off to college next year. But then I remember what college kids are really like and I’m okay.

Today I was tossing around a tennis ball with my sister’s new puppy, Annabelle. (This isn’t her in the picture, but it’s the same breed.) The ball’s gotten kind of muddy and gross, so I tried to figure out how to wash it without:
a) Killing the washing machine
or
b) Letting the dog get a mouthful of soap. Yum.

So I pulled up my ol’ buddy Google and typed in “how to wash tennis ball.” Is this where I went wrong, or was it somewhere earlier in the process? We shall see.

I must say, the tennis players’ forum I stumbled across was most interesting. Apparently, one can wash tennis balls in the washing machine, but the forum educated me on a much greater level. I present the most informative (and highly entertaining) responses:

• “I'd say tolerate the dirty or new balls, washing them is not a good idea IMO.”
• hummer23

• “After washing, the balls may look a bit pale, bald, and even appear to shrink a bit. But the dryer really firms up the bounce nicely….this may lead to knocking the stuffing out of your balls, exploding [upon] impact. So unless you can tolerate exploding balls, may want to just wash your really dirty balls.”
• Ronaldo

• “The structural integrity will only be compromised if the balls are left soaking wet for some time. If they get wet, just leave them out to dry in the open.”
• jonolau

• “I've seen someone brushing his balls :o It wasn't a pretty sight, all the fur was being taken off.”
• carpetgrub

(Oh, look! Our good Ronaldo returns with an even better nugget of wise experience!)

• “After washing and drying my balls, they were a bit fluffy so tried to shave the fuzz off the balls. Ended up with hard bald balls that were tough to handle.”

I'm sure that problem is far more common than you think, Ronnie. Far more common.

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd...

Okay. So. I watched Pete Wentz' new "video" show, FNMTV, which premiered last week. Much like communism, it's good in theory, cruddy in practice.

The live performances (Panic at the Sexy---I mean, Disco---and Snoop Dogg) were pretty good, but I felt misled by the "video" part. I mean, the whole hyped-up promotion said, "MTV is gonna show more videos!" And what does Pete Wentz do? He shows like 4 videos the whole damn hour. And then he shows 10-second clips of Michael Jackson and the Cure. *Yawn.* If these videos "made you who you are" or whatever, then show the whole damn thing!

Pete wasn't a bad host. He had a good connection with the crowd and he's not too hard to look at, but he's so....white. And short. Of all his guests only the Ting Tings weren't taller than him. (But they're English. Less sun means stunted growth, yes/no?) It was pretty amusing watching him try to do some ghetto-type gesturing while Flo Rida stood there smiling like, "Lookit the cute li'l white boy, subconsciously highlighting the fact that I am nearly a foot taller than he is." And why did Pete have to yell everything he said? He had a microphone!

Oh, and he had the Pussycat Dolls on there. Do not even get me started on the freakin' Pussycat Dolls. Yes, let's make all women look like skanks! And let's drool on them too! Yum-yum. At least Flo Rida had a pretty catchy new video/song and a thing about growing up in Miami...which I...didn't watch. Oops. I'm sure it was good, though. Also, the nursery rhyme about the Ting Tings was really cute.

I see that what they are trying to do is give MTV'ers more voice about the videos and crap, but I really could have done without the sorry excuse for a panel discussion. Travis McCoy acted totally strung out and really had nothing more significant to say than "the Pussycat Dolls are hot *Drooly-McDroolerson*" and the one British dude on the end was really obnoxious. I'm still trying to figure out what the purpose of the middle dude with the computer was. Pretty sad stuff.

I was awfully disappointed with the whole program. It left me wanting more, but not in the good sense of the term. More like, "...That's it??" But be careful what you wish for, because now MTV shows like, 5 videos an hour (when there aren't Made reruns--*gag*), complete with video commentary from viewers like you! Now you can dance like PCD or critique the tightness factor of Panic at the Disco's pants. More videos, and more crap too. I really wish they'd do it like VH1 does...a few hours of uninterrupted videos in the morning, no whining bloggers (*coughhypocrite!cough*), no dancing losers, no slurring commentary from sad rappers. Boo, MTV and Pete Wentz, boo.

...but I'll watch tomorrow's episode 'cause Duffy and Lil Wayne are gonna be there.

Lessons Learned

So, while here in Key West for a bit of vacation, I've learned some things about life. I want you to share these experiences with me.

1. If you don't want to be groped, don't go to a drag show. Because Inga will touch you inappropriately, be you lady or man.

2. When going out into tropical sun after living in cloudy NY your entire life, PLEASE, for the love of God, wear sunblock. Preferably SPF 70. Otherwise, you'll burn your ass and not be able to walk properly for a week.

3. The creepers come out at night. If you don't want to be creeped, stay inside.

4. Touching lizards is fun. As long as they're little.

5. Don't have sex with the dead manatees on the beach. They'll arrest you. (Note: I did, in fact, hear referance to this act from one of the locals while avoiding creepers. See lesson 3.)

So that's how it is in their family.

This is how I'd like to live life.

Yeah. There's no rhyme or reason here on this blog, just ranting and randomness.

(Image from nationalgeographic.com .)