Chocolate Lovers' Cheesecake

(I tried to condense this recipe to 140 characters so I could tweet it to P!nk...I got 161...T_T)

~

Chocolate Lovers' Cheesecake (adapted from some recipe I used like 7 years ago!)

2 pkg softened cream cheese/Neufchatel cheese

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 tsp. vanilla

2 eggs

8 squares baking chocolate

Oreo pie crust (9”)

MIX cream cheese, sugar and vanilla with electric mixer at medium speed until well blended. Add eggs; mix until blended.

MELT chocolate on the stove and blend into batter.

POUR batter into crust.

BAKE at 350°F (180°C) for 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate 3 hours or overnight.

~

This is what my attempted tweet was:

Elec mix 2pkg cream cheese, 1/2c sugar, 1/2tsp vanilla, 2eggs, melt 8sq baking choc & blend in batter, pour in Oreo pie crust, bake @350 for 40min, set overnight 
P.S.: My Twitter is @ashtree17

just for laughs

A blonde is pulled over by a cop for speeding.
The cop asks her, "Can I see your license?"
"No," she says, "I don't have one. It was revoked after I went drunk driving."
"I see. Can I see your registration, then?"
"Oh, this isn't my car. I stole it."
"Uh-huh. Well, may I ask you why you're driving when you know it's against the law?"
"Oh, I just killed someone and had to chuck their body in the woods. The body's in the trunk."
"Can I take a look?"
"Not without a warrant."
The cop calls for backup; five police cars surround the woman; they call a judge and get a warrant. The officer pops the trunk; it's empty.
The officer's superior is talking to the woman, who has meanwhile produced a (valid) license and (valid) registration. The woman is absolutely indignant.
"I'm terribly sorry about this, ma'am," the sheriff says. "My colleague believed that you had stolen this car, had a revoked license, and had just committed murder."
"I'll bet the bastard told you I was speeding , too!"

¡¿por qué, Jesús, por qué?!

Anddd my interview is not in the school paper this week. Great.

The epic saga of why I am behind this week.*

*Or, if my life were an FML post, why you'd want to click "I agree, your life is fucked."

I had to interview some people from Spain for the college newspaper. Put succinctly, it was a FIASCO!  Soulie was kind enough to spend 20 minutes receiving the AIM version of this tale.  Most names have been changed, as per usual, and I kept it in IM form to protect the integrity of the mood I was in when I typed it out.  Also it looks like a free-verse epic poem!

~

so you know how I went to that Spanish concert thing last week?
the next day I went to the poetry thing that went with it
and I was like "oh hey, I will review these events for The Newspaper"
and all was well
so I emailed Pepa, just asking for photos of the 2 musicians and the poet-lady
and she was like "they're not leaving until Tuesday 9/22...you could interview them!"
and I got ALL EXCITED!
so i was like "dear Pepa, HELLZ TO THE YAYUH I will interview the Spanish peeps!"
and she was like "okay let's meet Tuesday morning in the café at 10:30"
and I figured since it was so last minute the interview could go in NEXT week's Newspaper
sooo
I wrote my questions
and I went to the editors' meeting last night
and DR was like "that's neato, but the interview should really go alongside your article if you can do that"
 and I was like "umm okay"
 and I had gone to classroom services yesterday to get a tape recorder to record said interview, and my sister brought me tapes from home
I told DR this and he was like "what?! no! make them give you the digital voice recorder instead of that ginormous tape recorder from 1975. they have like 6"
and I was like "oh sweet!"
and I rewrote my questions after the meeting last night and TRIED to do my homework for today
up until 2am
so
I get up at 8:30, get ready, I am nervous as shit
I eat breaky with The Swimmer and go down to classroom services
at like 10
and they are like "umm we don't have any more digital voice recorders. PROFESSOR DR has our last one. he took it out last spring and never brought it back"
OH but it gets better
we are only like halfway through this epic saga
I kid you not
so
I get the ginormous tape recorder from 1975
and go down to the café at 10:20
and I wait
and I wait
and I freaking WAIT
until 10:50
mind you my first class (for which I had not completed the homework!) was at 11:30
so I was like "eff this, Pepa and her crazy Spanish friends have stood me up!"
so I came back to my room
and I emailed DR and my editors
explaining the sitch
11:15 I am legit ready to walk out the door to my class
and my room phone rings
and it was a foreign lady who totes pronounced my last name wrong  
and I was thinking "freaking credit card telemarketers" 
but no  
it was Pepa!
and she was like "I'm so sorry! when did I tell you to meet us? ohh 10:30? we were out late last night, etc."
over 30 = too old for Monday night partying)
anyway
she was like "we can meet you at 1:00 in the Den!"
and I pondered this
decided then to skip my classes
to prepare for this interview
RA/BFF helped me download Audacity so I didn't have to use the dinosaur recorder
so 12:45 I go to the Den
and I'm hungry
but I don't wanna be eating whilst interviewing
so I wait
etc.
Pepa calls me on my cell
because we exchanged numeros
and she was like "we're at the bank and there's a problem with The Poet’s passport and her check, we'll be a while"
so like at 1:30 they FINALLLLLLY got there
and I interviewed them
it was all very confusing
and the hot, probs-gay pianist/composer
did not behave
he was like "it's really cold in here...where's the bathroom? I ate too much"
he was ridic
he totes CUDDLED with the baritone opera singer
poss an item? couldn't tell)
and then he stole Pepa's scarf and dropped it onto my sandwich on accident
and he interrupted The Baritone while he was answering one of my questions
and The Baritone was like:
"¡bástalo! grrrr. lo perdí. no sé qué decía..."
but it was funny
so then
I spent ALL afternoon listening to my recording and trying to figure out what was being said
I slowed it down in WMP
and then I emailed it to Pepa and I was like "help me fill in the blanks, I need this by 7:30 at the latest so I can get it into production"
apparently she thought I meant 7:30 in CHICAGO!
because I got it at 8:30, translated/corrected the bits she filled in for me
and sent it to The Newspaper at like 9:10
and now here I am, with philosophy homework yet to be done, and my face is probs going to fall off because I am a basket case

Manfriend? Not yet.

RA/BFF: is that yer manfriend that you breakfast with??
ME: nah, just breakfast friend
RA/BFF: winkwink
ME: hehe we like each other enough to be friends, but we'd probs end up killing each other if we were "friendddddddds"
RA/BFF: ooooo
ME: so it's funny that you mistook The Swimmer for my manfriend
ME: because The Environmentalist practically proposed marriage to me the other day
RA/BFF: oooo
RA/BFF: does the ashtree like any of her suitors?
ME: just as friends
ME: there is a dude I kind of like, but he is none of the above
RA/BFF: do tell
ME: I met him at orientation, and he is going to be an RA next year
RA/BFF: ooo!! adorable
ME: yes heeehee
ME: but the thing is, I don't really want a boyfriend right now and I don't know if he likes me back anyway
RA/BFF: nothing wrong with that
ME: I feel like a lot of people are like "omg let's get BOYFRANNNS" and I'm like "mmm not so much"
RA/BFF: nah that's todo bueno
RA/BFF: i didn't want a boyfriend either
RA/BFF: mine just happened
ME: sweet deal!
RA/BFF: and he is awesome so i guess i will keep him :) hehe
ME: I figure when I am ready to be girlfriend material it will happen then
RA/BFF: relationships mean more when you're in them not just to be in one anyway...y'know what i mean??
ME: yeah!
ME: I feel like it's so high school to be running around desperate for a boyfriend
RA/BFF: mhm agreed
RA/BFF: and random hookups are for hobags
ME: I like being my own woman right now, I have the next 3 years to focus on me!

Can I go home yet?

I live on an all-girls floor in a co-ed dorm. There's probably about 40 of us or so, and we share a laundry room with 2 washers and 2 dryers.

Due to laundry mix-ups at the beginning of the year, the RAs put laminated cards on each machine and encouraged us to write our names/room numbers and the times at which we put the laundry in to keep people from dumping our shit on the floor.

But who remembers to carry an Expo marker back and forth from their room to the laundry room for 2 or 3 loads of laundry?

Roomie's mom is a teacher and gave us a ton of extra Expos for our white board, etc. But I put one in the laundry room with delusions of grandeur that we could all share and not screw each other's laundry up.

Naïve little girl.

Some a-hole stole my marker!

So, being the kind, forgiving (okay, too lazy to carry my own marker) soul that I am, I put another one in the laundry room.

It's gone.

Fuckers.

*Sigh*

My brain feels like it's about to explode. Not sure why. I would say it's due to lack of sleep, but, well, I went to bed at ten last night and awoke at six thirty this morning. That's...eight and a half hours of sleep. More than enough to make a person chipper and happy as a freaking clam the next day. Or so it would seem.

Instead, I stand here in the library, not sit, stand, and listen to stupid people approach the information desk. "Um, I'm looking for a book." ...Really now...I don't think they have any of those here. Maybe if you look in a building that wasn't made specifically for that purpose, you'll have better luck.

It ticks me off when people in my supposed Social Advocacy classes say things about people with disabilities that are completely out of line and stupid. For example.

"Do you think any of the students who are coming into our class will talk in front of a crowd, Nick?"

"Well, they all, like, talk. Cuz, you know, they're all, like, higher."

Higher. I don't think she was talking about their functional level, genius, I think she was talking about how shy they will be.

*Sigh*

New category.

As I'm sure my readers have realized, I'm easily annoyed. And I've decided our blog needs a new category to describe some of these annoyances, but the proposed title is too long to fit in the little box gracefully, so I am posting it here so people know what the acronym means.

Ridiculous Shit That Offends My Delicate Sensibilities
(or, RSTOMDS)

Examples:
-grammar/punctuation errors
-sexism
-general ignorance
-people who feel as though your preferences in fashion/music/religion/politics needs "saving" or "fixing"

And there you have it.

Awkwardness is a social construct.

I'm making a declaration.
I hereby abolish the word "awkward."
Why?
Because it's abused and overused.

Example: I was showering here at school when I heard two girls come in to use the bathroom. Apparently, one of them was a first-time visitor to our fine institution, and had never seen our toilet paper dispensers, which are not in rolls, but are in stupid little rectangular sheets of which you have to use like 57 for any real efficacy. This girl said, "Wow, these toilet paper dispensers are awkward!"

Um. Sorry. This may seem dense, but...what capacity does a toilet paper dispenser have to be awkward?!
TOILET PAPER DISPENSER: Hey baby, you've got a nice...um...never mind...
GIRL: What?!
TPD: I'm sorry. Wow, that was...really out of line. Have 36 more sheets.
No. Inanimate objects ≠ awkward.

I myself am guilty of "awkward" abuse, and I resolve to only use the word "awkward" to describe situations that are legitimately so.
Most situations to which this word is ascribed are merely silly or uncomfortable. In fact, awkwardness in itself is a social construct. Nothing's ever really awkward until someone points it out, is it?

Exphairiment. Day Whatever.

I keep forgetting to do my exphairiment! D'oh! But I remembered this morning (and by morning, I mean 12:45pm because I slept in since I could not sleep last night. For the record, 4:50am is NOT an okay bedtime).
Mother Nature's choice of precipitation today (snow? rain? snain?!) did not make my hair sexy. :( Rather flat, v. sad. But it is not as frizzy as expected!

Exphairiment. Day 2.

Pants, Soulie, the Bachelorette, and I are embarking on a new scientific quest. According to Glamour's 70th anniversary issue, if one uses conditioner on one's hair BEFORE shampooing, one will have better-moisturized hair. The four of us scientists wish to test this theory.
~
HYPOTHESIS: Conditioner + shampoo + rinse + more conditioner = optimal hair moisturization
~
Ashtree's Preliminary Results:
Shampoo: Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine

• Day 1: I forgot what happened. But my hair laid nicely today.
• Day 2: Hair = v. easily combed.

Dear Pants.

Dear Sarah,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don’t match. I think I realized it when we skinny-dipped in the bathtub at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into your My Little Pony collection. I'm sure you're open enough to understand the Middle East is planning their revenge on you. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without you and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo.

With tears of sadness,
Ashes

Love(less) letter.

Here's how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5) I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
your name

.:.

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
Purple - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other (or no shirt!) -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Other - With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Green - Sit on
Barefoot/other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other -The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching Snoopy underwear
Purple - Your South Park blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine - Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Canada – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
England - Go drown yourself

10 More Things.

Yeah, that's right.

1. I am very particular about the most random things, like what color pens I use for certain classes, but I'm pretty messy otherwise.
2. My favorite color is green. I believe I started using Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Shampoo mostly because the bottle is green.
3. I have a running list of future husbands, both famous and un-...
4. ...yet I don't know if I will ever be stable enough or overcome my commitment phobia to actually be in a relationship.
5. I like being alone, but I cannot stand being lonely.
6. Naked Saturdays. Enough said.
7. I tend to overshare too fast. I latch on to people quickly and rarely let go.
8. Sometimes #7 leads to me getting too invested in other people's problems, and I lose sleep over it, leaving less time and energy for those who actually need me...and myself.
9. I stay up horribly late to do homework that is due the next day. This makes for me being a loud, clunky roomie. But she still adores me.
10. Some days, I lose faith in myself and what I want to do in life. Thank God I did in November, because then I would have stuck with the education/career path I didn't want and didn't like. Now I think I'm in the right direction.
    

10 Things

I do believe I will coerce Ash to do this as well. Because I find it fascinating.

1. I am prickly, defensive, and difficult to get close to.
2. I find it difficult to trust.
3. Once that trust is gained, though, it is yours to do with what you wish.
4. I detest liars, cheaters, and adulterers. There is very little which I abhor more.
5. I often realize the hypocrisies and inconsistencies within myself.
6. I've decided there's not a whole lot I can do about it though...
7. I love razor pointed sharpies.
8. Consequently, I have doodled all over my books with them.
9. I've been told that I'm overly cheerful and optimistic.
10. Paired with numbers 1 and 2, number 9 proves number 5.

Because I Like It

"Why do you wear that thing? It's ugly, and it makes you look fat."

I looked down at the beat up motorcycle jacket that I'd worn religiously for the last two years. Its leather was worn and torn in places, and it was several sizes too large. It still had the lingering scent of cigarettes and leather cleaner, a scent that I loved. I remembered when I'd gotten it, the last time I'd gone to visit my grandfather before he'd died. I'd gone without a coat, and when it came time to leave, he'd bundled me tightly into his motorcycle jacket. "I don''t want you to get sick, Sarah," he'd said to me. Two weeks later, he'd been in the hospital, and the next day he was gone, a loving memory.

I took another deep breath, taking in the smell of leather and smoke, the smell of my grandfather, and answered her.

"Because I like it."

Ugh. Really?

People are so dim sometimes. I was reading an old Dan Savage column and I put up a line from one of his responses as an away message:
"Confidential to Shelly: No, you're not crazy, and yes, your boyfriend loves you."
But, I decided it'd be funnier if I put "%n" in place of "Shelly." On AIM, this has the effect of inserting the screen name of whoever's reading the away message. Apparently I am on some random people's buddy lists, and things got crazy...
~
1:47pm
RANDOM GIRL #1: ?
ME: who is this?
RANDOM GIRL #1: your away message has my sn in it... who is this? I just noticed you on my buddy list and my name in your away creeped me out
ME: oh it's not you, when you put %n in an away message it automatically puts the sn of the person who's reading it in there
RANDOM GIRL #1: oh
RANDOM GIRL #1: haha sorry
RANDOM GIRL #1: i was just a bit confused. sorry about that
RANDOM GIRL #1: have a good one
ME: that's okay, you too
~
5:04pm
RANDOM GIRL #2: who is this
ME: this is Ashley...
ME: is this about my away message? because someone else IM'd me earlier...it's not necessarily your sn. when you put %n in an away message then whoever reads it sees their sn in place of it
RANDOM GIRL #2: haha kk
ME: haha no prob...are you in Soulie's hallway?
RANDOM GIRL #2: no i'm in my room
ME: oh I meant do you live in her hallway? because the first paranoid girl did :)
RANDOM GIRL #2: no
RANDOM GIRL #2: who is this
ME: this is Ashley, I'm a freshman
RANDOM GIRL #2: haha no i dk you or how i got this name
ME: yeah Idk either!
ME: sorry :(
RANDOM GIRL #2: that's fine
~
Seriously? People are so paranoid. I'm the one who should be paranoid! How did they get my screen name?! Also, they acted like I was the one doing something wrong when they were the creepers who had some random innocent (*cough*) freshman on their buddy lists. Augh. Some days I just don't know how people can fit such massive amounts of stupid into their heads.

Chili's, Act II

ME: You know, Pants once told me that waiters and waitresses are trained to come ask how everything is when your mouth is full of food. That way, you can't say it's bad.
MOM: Yeah? And where did she waitress to learn that?
ME: I don't knowww...she told me back in Girl Scouts...
MOM: Do you really think the waiters have enough time on a busy night like this to look around and see if everyone's mouth is full before they come over and ask if everything's okay?
ME: Probably not... [looks down at plate sheepishly]
[Everyone starts eating again.]
[Charlie, the waiter, arrives.]
CHARLIE: Everything okay here, folks?
[Everyone nods with their mouths full. Charlie leaves.]
ME: HA! Who called that?!
MOM: ...you did.

We went to Chili's...

ME: That was a really good dinner!
DAD: It ought to be for $60...
ME: Just once, can't we enjoy something without complaining about the price? All I ever hear is, "It ought to be good for $X..."
DAD: We work hard for our money!
MOM: It's just when you go to a place and the service is slow and the staff is indifferent and rude, it feels like you didn't get the best deal.
[to Dad] You had enough money, didn't you?
ME: Dad, maybe you should start stripping for old ladies again...haha!
DAD: Your mother doesn't pay me.
MOM: Hey!
[Dad laughs mischievously.]

Hmm

I just spent two hours analyzing ten pages from my text book. That is two hours of my life that I will never get back. I detest college sometimes, you know...

Something True

I saw something today on my way back to my room. It was etched into a column, as we classy people at college sometimes do, and it made me stop and think for a moment.

"It only takes one."

That's what the column said. And as I continued walking, I thought to myself, "My god, that is so true." It only takes one person in a crowd of people to stand up and say something is wrong. It only takes one person to lead a group. It only takes one person with a bright idea to change the world a little bit.

Of course, it could have meant that it only takes one bout of unprotected sex to transfer an STD. Or that it only supposedly takes one hit of crack cocaine before you're addicted. It only takes one slap to make you abusive. But I prefer to think that they meant something a little bit deeper when they scratched that in.

It only took one Oscar Schindler to save hundreds of lives. It only takes one well trained search dog to find a lost child.

It only takes one.

Going hunting.

An old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks."
The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy says, "It's a pussy willow."
The old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."