feb. 2010: john mayer: the root of all evil

So apparently John Mayer made out with Perez Hilton in October. Perez is totes convinced of John's complete and utter gayness and is throwing an internet hissy fit. Also, John recently gave a controversial interview to Playboy with racist remarks. He's a jackass. But, not only is he a racist douchebag and self-hating homosexual, he's pretty much the sole cause for the downfall of the modern world. Examples:

1. John Mayer caused global warming.
2. John Mayer Tiger Woods'd your mom.
3. John Mayer eats babies for breakfast.
4. John Mayer is what made the ancient Maya disappear.
5. You know all those socks that disappear from your dryer? John Mayer took 'em.
6. And look what he did to that nice girl Jennifer Aniston!
7. John Mayer always looks like he's about to sneeze. Clearly he's allergic to himself.
8. John Mayer gave my fish fin rot. And didn't call afterward.
9. John Mayer is responsible for that abomination called the Uh-Oh Oreo.
10. John Mayer shreds so hard he blew all my clothes off. And it's really fucking cold out.