We went to Chili's...

ME: That was a really good dinner!
DAD: It ought to be for $60...
ME: Just once, can't we enjoy something without complaining about the price? All I ever hear is, "It ought to be good for $X..."
DAD: We work hard for our money!
MOM: It's just when you go to a place and the service is slow and the staff is indifferent and rude, it feels like you didn't get the best deal.
[to Dad] You had enough money, didn't you?
ME: Dad, maybe you should start stripping for old ladies again...haha!
DAD: Your mother doesn't pay me.
MOM: Hey!
[Dad laughs mischievously.]

Hmm

I just spent two hours analyzing ten pages from my text book. That is two hours of my life that I will never get back. I detest college sometimes, you know...

Something True

I saw something today on my way back to my room. It was etched into a column, as we classy people at college sometimes do, and it made me stop and think for a moment.

"It only takes one."

That's what the column said. And as I continued walking, I thought to myself, "My god, that is so true." It only takes one person in a crowd of people to stand up and say something is wrong. It only takes one person to lead a group. It only takes one person with a bright idea to change the world a little bit.

Of course, it could have meant that it only takes one bout of unprotected sex to transfer an STD. Or that it only supposedly takes one hit of crack cocaine before you're addicted. It only takes one slap to make you abusive. But I prefer to think that they meant something a little bit deeper when they scratched that in.

It only took one Oscar Schindler to save hundreds of lives. It only takes one well trained search dog to find a lost child.

It only takes one.

Going hunting.

An old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks."
The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy says, "It's a pussy willow."
The old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."

Bruises

I'm looking at myself in the mirror. And I'm thinking, good lord. Where do they come from? I've got one painted on my collarbone, a quick splotch of fading yellow. Along my shoulders and back, barely even risen yet from a slide down the stairs. Just above my left elbow, a deep blue, nearly black, giving me a twinge every time I bend my arm. Small drips of blue and green along my legs. A large one just above my ankle, the color of a thick, murky twilight. My left foot is covered with them, red and blue and yellow, all in different stages of healing. Where do they come from?

Sometimes I think there is more than one reason I don't have a boyfriend. Is it because I'm afraid of being dumped? Hesitant to share myself with someone? Or is it simply because I don't want him to see the bruises? Maybe he'd see them as a work of art, a painted canvas, a reminder of who I am and where I've been.

But I doubt that.

My Motto

If life bucks you off, you climb back on that bitch and you have a goddamn whip in your hand when you do it.

It's good to have people in life who really understand you!

Ashtree: you know what I just realized?
Pants: ?
Ashtree: the good thing about boobs is...they are warm!
but the BAD thing about boobs is...
Pants: true
Ashtree: they don't really keep you warm.
Pants: that is true too
Ashtree: if you fold your arms right, then you might keep your forearms warm, but then you look like a deformed T-rex
Pants: LOL
i just tried it
and you're right
i do
Ashtree: I KNEW YOU WOULD!
Pants: jackass
Ashtree: I just thought you were the only one who'd really understand that

Stay off. The crack.

I rather love the Nations game on Facebook. You invent a country and it pukes out up to two daily "issues" which you as supreme leader must solve. But methinks they're scraping the bottom of the barrel these days...

When sitting alone in your office today, a small chipmunk came in through a window and spoke to you saying, "If you plant it, it will grow", and then scurried back out the window. Do you:

	Remember that you forgot to plant your window box this year and mark it on the list of things to do, but disregard the silly daydream?
	Look into planting a few new trees in Jadwiga just in case the message was something real?
	Take it as a sign to keep cleaning up the environment and institute a nationwide initiative to plant more trees, shrubs and flowers?
	Go home and instruct your gardener to plant some marijuana plants in your garden this year?

...what?

For the record, I chose the fourth option as a lark and the result was this:
"Jadwiga has seen a rise in the use of marijuana when a very powerful strain has hit the streets out of nowhere!"